My Name is Jali

My cousin told me that one of his special friends told him that she doesn't date "church boys." I remember telling him that that was a cop-out because he wouldn't admit that he liked her & she wasn't going to put herself out there alone. But it made me laugh because I thought back to all the times my best friend and I promised ourselves that we were off categorized men... There was the musician strike of '03 We were thirteen, and we had both been talking to drummers. They both ended, how I'm not quite sure but I definitely remember the conversation we had that we were "done with musicians" because they were cocky and nothing but trouble. Besides, too many girls wanted musicians and we were no groupies! Then came the "thug" strike of '05 Our respective thugs came at different times in our lives, but we still reached the consensus simultaneously. I had an "accidental thug" you know, the one who kind of "falls...

So I read this article About African-Americans Who say that they No longer want the African presence in their name They just want to be Black They say They want the African part to go away Its a reminder of slavery to them Of a past that will never be overcome As long as they are African-American It's a negative stigma They believe One that brings to them no relief I say how can you deny Your roots, the basis of your design? You say adding Africa to your name Makes others see you as a slave? I say NO! I come from kings, and queens, and warriors A people so willing to give to others That they never saw the coming of their demise A people who weren't aware of the evils lurking Primped and primed ready to remove them from all existence They bred a nation that transcended generations That when the most drastic attempts were made to snuff them out They survived... I come from a land that was so fruitful Anyone who came across it just knew they had t...

Well, it's a new year, and it has been pretty interesting so far... I'm just sitting here in my apartment, reflecting on my life and what's been going on And I have decided that I am ready to put my wallowing behind me and jump back into reality feet first It's pretty scary leaving this cave of darkness, but I think the time has come for me to hang it up More importantly, I know that God has something special waiting for me and I can't get to it if I'm locked away behind a wall of emotions Therefore, I know that I need to GET UP and GET GOING! It's gonna take some getting used to, but that's what God is for I've been sitting here for the last couple of hours, alternating between praying and singing hymns... And I have never been so ready to live I got up and danced a little bit, and I spent a few minutes just praising God, and I could feel myself coming back out So - no more self-pity and "woe is me's" No more "nobody un...

For the past few months I have not had it in me to blog. The excuses are endless. My grandpa passed. I started grad school. I'm tired all the time. I'm still nursing a broken heart. I'm.... The truth is, my mind has just plain been too disorganized to post something worthy of reading. I haven't been able to do much more than throw a constant stream of pity parties, the booze coming in the form of tears for one reason or another. But you know what this year has taught me more than anything? It's taught me about love. I've always been taught that God is love, and that His love is unconditional, even when we turn away from Him and disobey His commandments. I get it now. Funny how you hear something your whole life and never understand what it means until you experience it for yourself. This year I learned what it's like to love somebody unconditionally, and not only have them NOT return that love, but doubt that your love for them is real. Someti...

My grandfather left this earth almost a month ago, and I still find myself convincing my heart that he's really gone. It's continually heartbreaking, and some days don't even feel real, to be honest. Sometimes I feel like I'm just away at school, and he's just a phone call or car ride away. I miss him. I miss his smile, I miss his mild way of handling things. I miss his booming voice that can be heard so clearly even from far away. I miss how he worried about all of us, no matter how small the situation may be. I loved that he was always taking time out to make sure that those he loved were taken care of, be they family, church members, clients... he was the most selfless person I ever met. I miss telling him about my life and how his reactions were always exactly what I needed them to be. He never told me to stop crying. He never told me to stop being so sensitive. He knew when I was discouraged and made sure to take a minute to encourage me, even if all...

So this is actually a response to a post my friend just did and it really spoke to me. She talked about why nice people tend to finish last when it comes to relationships. I have to say, it's so hard sometimes realize when you're being too nice. See, I thought I was the perfect combination. I knew enough about dudes that I understood that most of them, especially young ones have the ability to play you in a minute. So I thought I was "smart" enough to see that kind of guy coming, and until I met a prince, I wasn't going to be bothered. It didn't dawn on me that nobody actually looks or plans to have their heart broken. It just happens. When it happened to me, it was something I refused to accept it. I couldn't understand how love could be one-sided. I began to make excuses, including the infamous, "He really has feelings, he just doesn't know how to deal with them..." Such a load of crap! To be fair, he did tend to go back and forth with ...

You say you miss me Well I miss you too But that's something I would never say to you You say you really cared I'm pretty sure you did But your actions denied your feelings And I suffered because of it You say you don't want what I want But do you need what I need? I was so sure that you did You made my heart bleed You say you're moving on But your patterns stay the same If you're gonna go, go completely Cus I really can't take the games So you left, and now you're back A simple "hi" was all it took To send me into a tailspin My whole foundation shook I can't let you hurt me again The blows have been too hard I'll have bruises for a while I'm only slightly scarred But your time to grow is up You'll have to wait again Maybe in another lifetime We'll actually be friends Maybe we'll even be more But that's not happening soon I can't even picture being nice Much less being over the m...