Turnaround
So I'm sitting in my parents' home in Brooklyn, and I just started to think about how far I've come in the last year. It's not hard to see what sparked this trip down memory lane, since I just came back from visiting my Alma mater, which I have not seen since I graduated almost a year ago. Anyway, I'm thinking back and I am amazed by how much I have changed from the person I was a year ago.
In March 2011, I was:
In love with someone who had a curious affection for me at best
Waiting to hear back from 3 graduate schools I had applied to, and VERY nervous about getting in
Worrying about my grandfather because I knew at any given moment he could get sick again and go back to the hospital
At a school that I never wanted to go to in the first place and counting the days until I could finally graduate and leave for good
Trying to make sense of my life and experiencing NO success whatsoever!
In March 2012, I am:
No longer in love, although I will always have a soft spot for him... That's something I can live with, though, because at least I can move on
In a prestigious graduate program working toward my doctorate in School Psychology
Missing my grandfather every day but glad that he is no longer in pain or sick
Living in my own apartment and happy to be there
Trying to make sense of my life and experiencing the joys of waiting and learning day by day what my purpose is
See, 2011 was a difficult year for me for so many reasons, and I chose to ignore the blessings that I was receiving. That's what happens when you grow and mature, I guess... you want life to be peachy keen all the time and you're not prepared to deal with the struggles... especially not all at once. But I'm through rehashing old hurts. I want to celebrate the present and the future.
I'm learning more and more that God has a plan for me that is so far beyond my own, I'd be a fool to try to compete. He's teaching me things that I wouldn't have learned if I hadn't gone what I went through. I tried so hard to put my life the way it used to be, I couldn't acknowledge that it maybe changing for the better.
I wanted so hard to be the girl I was 2 years ago before I became a sucker-in-love, and I had no idea how to get there. I tried so hard to figure it out without consulting God about who I was supposed to be now. I'm so grateful that He not only restored my former confidence, but is maturing me in ways that I couldn't previously conceive.
For so long, I just wanted to settle down in one place and be comfortable. I don't like all this moving around from place to place every few months or so. But I now appreciate this time of transition because I know that God is using it to prepare me for my calling. He's introducing me to new people and new situations because my work for him is going to involve all kinds of circumstances and I need to be ready to face whatever comes. I also need to be in the habit of turning to Him for help instead of to my friends and my own knowledge. He's teaching me that I don't know what I think I know, and that's okay, because He's got me.
He knows my name... He knows my every thought... He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call...
In March 2011, I was:
In love with someone who had a curious affection for me at best
Waiting to hear back from 3 graduate schools I had applied to, and VERY nervous about getting in
Worrying about my grandfather because I knew at any given moment he could get sick again and go back to the hospital
At a school that I never wanted to go to in the first place and counting the days until I could finally graduate and leave for good
Trying to make sense of my life and experiencing NO success whatsoever!
In March 2012, I am:
No longer in love, although I will always have a soft spot for him... That's something I can live with, though, because at least I can move on
In a prestigious graduate program working toward my doctorate in School Psychology
Missing my grandfather every day but glad that he is no longer in pain or sick
Living in my own apartment and happy to be there
Trying to make sense of my life and experiencing the joys of waiting and learning day by day what my purpose is
See, 2011 was a difficult year for me for so many reasons, and I chose to ignore the blessings that I was receiving. That's what happens when you grow and mature, I guess... you want life to be peachy keen all the time and you're not prepared to deal with the struggles... especially not all at once. But I'm through rehashing old hurts. I want to celebrate the present and the future.
I'm learning more and more that God has a plan for me that is so far beyond my own, I'd be a fool to try to compete. He's teaching me things that I wouldn't have learned if I hadn't gone what I went through. I tried so hard to put my life the way it used to be, I couldn't acknowledge that it maybe changing for the better.
I wanted so hard to be the girl I was 2 years ago before I became a sucker-in-love, and I had no idea how to get there. I tried so hard to figure it out without consulting God about who I was supposed to be now. I'm so grateful that He not only restored my former confidence, but is maturing me in ways that I couldn't previously conceive.
For so long, I just wanted to settle down in one place and be comfortable. I don't like all this moving around from place to place every few months or so. But I now appreciate this time of transition because I know that God is using it to prepare me for my calling. He's introducing me to new people and new situations because my work for him is going to involve all kinds of circumstances and I need to be ready to face whatever comes. I also need to be in the habit of turning to Him for help instead of to my friends and my own knowledge. He's teaching me that I don't know what I think I know, and that's okay, because He's got me.
He knows my name... He knows my every thought... He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call...
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