Time to Reflect!
Well, well, well,
We've come to the close of another year, and it went by quicker than a flash. Can I just say what a CRAZY year 2012 has been? And how AWESOME God has been during this year?
Anybody who's spoken to me in the past couple weeks knows what I've been dealing with. I survived a fire in my apartment building, completed a half-marathon... and got a C in Statistics I. But, I can honestly say that I am so humbled by God's awesomeness and provision. It's funny how everybody says they have faith, but you never know how important that faith is until that's all you have.
I'm not gonna lie, ever since the fire happened, my prayer life has SUCKED. It's so bad, and I am so ashamed because I know that this is the time God wants to speak to me more than ever, and I'm so aware that I am actively sabotaging my relationship with Him because I know He's about to do something crazy big, and He's done so much already. Yes, every day I thank Him for waking me up in the morning, and repent of my sins before bed at night, but we definitely don't talk like we used to. But don't worry, He's definitely knocking hard and loud. I'm gonna answer, I promise.
The thing I realized about God this year, though, is... He doesn't owe me ANYTHING. When I think about the Sandy Hook massacre, or the Trayvon Martin shooting, I can't help but wonder at His mercy and how that could have been anyone that I knew. It may sound selfish, but there it is. People ask why God allowed these things to happen, but I'll say it again. God doesn't owe us ANYTHING. It was by His will that any of them even were born in the first place. And guess what? In the aftermath, I've seen people come together. I've seen thousands reach out to support the families and become more grateful for things that they do have. I've seen mothers who constantly post on social networking sites about how bad their kids are now put up statuses about how grateful they are to still have their babies with them. Nothing is ever in vain, especially when you're seeking God's will in it all.
Maybe it's maturity, maybe it's trauma. But I have become so aware of how little time we do have on this planet. I like to think that God has a calling on my life, and I can't leave until it's been fulfilled, but that's not guaranteed. My purpose could be fulfilled long after I'm gone. But it doesn't matter. Because at the end of the day, I want Him to be proud of me and say "Well Done."
I know this post seems a little disjointed, but honestly, that's where my mind is right now. I'm all over the place. New apartment, but no furniture and no idea how I'm gonna get it. Reconnected with family, but still striving to do better. In love with Jesus, but trying to run away from the next step. Happy, nervous, excited, and terrified of what comes ahead. But I'm holding on to my faith and my Father through it all. 2013 is going to blow my mind. I just know it.
We've come to the close of another year, and it went by quicker than a flash. Can I just say what a CRAZY year 2012 has been? And how AWESOME God has been during this year?
Anybody who's spoken to me in the past couple weeks knows what I've been dealing with. I survived a fire in my apartment building, completed a half-marathon... and got a C in Statistics I. But, I can honestly say that I am so humbled by God's awesomeness and provision. It's funny how everybody says they have faith, but you never know how important that faith is until that's all you have.
I'm not gonna lie, ever since the fire happened, my prayer life has SUCKED. It's so bad, and I am so ashamed because I know that this is the time God wants to speak to me more than ever, and I'm so aware that I am actively sabotaging my relationship with Him because I know He's about to do something crazy big, and He's done so much already. Yes, every day I thank Him for waking me up in the morning, and repent of my sins before bed at night, but we definitely don't talk like we used to. But don't worry, He's definitely knocking hard and loud. I'm gonna answer, I promise.
The thing I realized about God this year, though, is... He doesn't owe me ANYTHING. When I think about the Sandy Hook massacre, or the Trayvon Martin shooting, I can't help but wonder at His mercy and how that could have been anyone that I knew. It may sound selfish, but there it is. People ask why God allowed these things to happen, but I'll say it again. God doesn't owe us ANYTHING. It was by His will that any of them even were born in the first place. And guess what? In the aftermath, I've seen people come together. I've seen thousands reach out to support the families and become more grateful for things that they do have. I've seen mothers who constantly post on social networking sites about how bad their kids are now put up statuses about how grateful they are to still have their babies with them. Nothing is ever in vain, especially when you're seeking God's will in it all.
Maybe it's maturity, maybe it's trauma. But I have become so aware of how little time we do have on this planet. I like to think that God has a calling on my life, and I can't leave until it's been fulfilled, but that's not guaranteed. My purpose could be fulfilled long after I'm gone. But it doesn't matter. Because at the end of the day, I want Him to be proud of me and say "Well Done."
I know this post seems a little disjointed, but honestly, that's where my mind is right now. I'm all over the place. New apartment, but no furniture and no idea how I'm gonna get it. Reconnected with family, but still striving to do better. In love with Jesus, but trying to run away from the next step. Happy, nervous, excited, and terrified of what comes ahead. But I'm holding on to my faith and my Father through it all. 2013 is going to blow my mind. I just know it.
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