To Love and Be Nice...
So this is actually a response to a post my friend just did and it really spoke to me.
She talked about why nice people tend to finish last when it comes to relationships. I have to say, it's so hard sometimes realize when you're being too nice.
See, I thought I was the perfect combination. I knew enough about dudes that I understood that most of them, especially young ones have the ability to play you in a minute. So I thought I was "smart" enough to see that kind of guy coming, and until I met a prince, I wasn't going to be bothered. It didn't dawn on me that nobody actually looks or plans to have their heart broken. It just happens.
When it happened to me, it was something I refused to accept it. I couldn't understand how love could be one-sided. I began to make excuses, including the infamous, "He really has feelings, he just doesn't know how to deal with them..." Such a load of crap!
To be fair, he did tend to go back and forth with me a lot, and every time he came back, it seemed like a justification for every excuse I made for him... Until he did something that he couldn't take back, and couldn't apologize for. Then it all came back to me, and I had to relive every moment of our "situation" (cus it couldn't even be called a relationship at that point) and acknowledge every time I let him get away with something that he shouldn't have.
But the thing is, I know why I did it. It wasn't really for him. It was for me. I had to keep being nice, and keep showing him love and appreciation, because I loved him so much, that it actually hurt ME to turn him away. He would give me his puppy eyes, or make a nice speech, or do something totally unexpected and out of the blue to remind me of when we first got together, and I would fall apart. I couldn't deny myself this feeling of contentment and the happiness of sharing a special moment with somebody you care about, even if it would only last for a few weeks until the next bomb dropped.
But eventually, I had to realize that I was only hurting myself, because whatever the excuse is, the bottom line was, he was not good for me. And even now, months later, I still have to add "at this time" because my heart still waits for him, no matter how hard I push myself to move on. And one of these days I'm going to accept that that's a part of life as well. There are people who are going to walk out of your life no matter how badly you want them to stay, and others who are going to stay no matter how much it hurts you to have them in your life. But I can say that I don't regret any of my time or any of my actions concerning the boy (and I say that very pointedly) that I love because at least I got to fully understand what it meant to put someone before yourself, to care about their wellbeing over everything else, to see their flaws and love them anyway. It's real, whether it was reciprocated or not. And one day, I know that I will be with someone who will recognize true love for what it is, and treat me the way that I KNOW I deserve to be treated. Maybe it will be him (cus my heart is still on his team for the time being), and maybe it'll be someone else. But I do owe him, and I always will, because loving him has definitely made me stronger.
Thanks Natalege... yall be sure to read her online anthology at www.heartsconverse.com! :-*
She talked about why nice people tend to finish last when it comes to relationships. I have to say, it's so hard sometimes realize when you're being too nice.
See, I thought I was the perfect combination. I knew enough about dudes that I understood that most of them, especially young ones have the ability to play you in a minute. So I thought I was "smart" enough to see that kind of guy coming, and until I met a prince, I wasn't going to be bothered. It didn't dawn on me that nobody actually looks or plans to have their heart broken. It just happens.
When it happened to me, it was something I refused to accept it. I couldn't understand how love could be one-sided. I began to make excuses, including the infamous, "He really has feelings, he just doesn't know how to deal with them..." Such a load of crap!
To be fair, he did tend to go back and forth with me a lot, and every time he came back, it seemed like a justification for every excuse I made for him... Until he did something that he couldn't take back, and couldn't apologize for. Then it all came back to me, and I had to relive every moment of our "situation" (cus it couldn't even be called a relationship at that point) and acknowledge every time I let him get away with something that he shouldn't have.
But the thing is, I know why I did it. It wasn't really for him. It was for me. I had to keep being nice, and keep showing him love and appreciation, because I loved him so much, that it actually hurt ME to turn him away. He would give me his puppy eyes, or make a nice speech, or do something totally unexpected and out of the blue to remind me of when we first got together, and I would fall apart. I couldn't deny myself this feeling of contentment and the happiness of sharing a special moment with somebody you care about, even if it would only last for a few weeks until the next bomb dropped.
But eventually, I had to realize that I was only hurting myself, because whatever the excuse is, the bottom line was, he was not good for me. And even now, months later, I still have to add "at this time" because my heart still waits for him, no matter how hard I push myself to move on. And one of these days I'm going to accept that that's a part of life as well. There are people who are going to walk out of your life no matter how badly you want them to stay, and others who are going to stay no matter how much it hurts you to have them in your life. But I can say that I don't regret any of my time or any of my actions concerning the boy (and I say that very pointedly) that I love because at least I got to fully understand what it meant to put someone before yourself, to care about their wellbeing over everything else, to see their flaws and love them anyway. It's real, whether it was reciprocated or not. And one day, I know that I will be with someone who will recognize true love for what it is, and treat me the way that I KNOW I deserve to be treated. Maybe it will be him (cus my heart is still on his team for the time being), and maybe it'll be someone else. But I do owe him, and I always will, because loving him has definitely made me stronger.
Thanks Natalege... yall be sure to read her online anthology at www.heartsconverse.com! :-*
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