The Truth About Transitioning

      For the past year or so, it has seemed like every part of my life has been in a state of transition - new school, new city, new apartment, multiple losses, and drastic changes in different relationships have all occurred within the last 12 months. The biggest and perhaps one of the most frustrating aspect of my life, though? MY HAIR!! 

    For those of you who have never had a relaxer put in their hair, let me tell you about "transitioning." A person who is transitioning is in the process of returning their hair to a natural state instead of continuing to straighten it with chemicals. The thing about a relaxer is that it is permanent, and once hair has been relaxed, it cannot return to its original state. Therefore, if someone wanted to go back to being "natural," which means leaving your hair in the same state as when it grows out of your head, that person has to let that hair grow out. To a person who has long, thick locks, this process can be very frustrating and seem very long. To go from having hair that grazes your back to barely covering your ears can be difficult to deal with. Trust me, I know. 

    The thing is, the "natural craze" as I call it, was not something I planned to be apart of. I won't go into a long thing about it, but just know I didn't plan to go natural, it just seemed like the logical thing to do given my current circumstances. It's funny how, as I look back, this huge part of my outward appearance seemed to directly reflect the rest of my life. Let's take a look. 

    While your hair is in a transitioning state, it's hard to find styles that ALL of your hair can work with. You see, certain styles work better with relaxed hair, while other styles work better with kinky hair. There weren't too many hairdos that I could rock without one end or the other looking crazy. SO ANNOYING!! And parallel to my life, as I entered a new stage (grad school, sans Grandpa), I learned that I had some habits that didn't quite fit my new lifestyle. Certain hobbies and relationships just didn't work for me anymore, and it was somewhat disheartening trying to make it all work. I spent most of my first semester stressed out and worried (when I wasn't numb with grief) over what was going to fall apart next. 

    So, somewhere around September, I got frustrated with the transition and cut out the rest of my perm.    Again, it wasn't particularly planned, and at the time, I didn't think I had done that much. It wasn't until I looked at some recent pictures of myself and realized how long my hair had gotten that I saw how much I had actually cut off (over 6 inches total!), and so I freaked out EVEN MORE!!! For like 4 months, I would stare hopelessly at my hair and resign myself to another style that (in my opinion) made me look like a teenage boy. Thankfully, I learned that if I rock the "boy-dos" for a week and took them out, I could have 2 or 3 days looking like I want to look all the time. Realize that I took solace in that fact that, although my hair wasn't as long as I wanted it to be at the time, it was healthy, and it was growing. I'm just impatient.

    Parallel to my life, I realized that a lot of my relationships were falling by the wayside, and as it was too painful to constantly be reminded of that, I thought I would just take a step back from my usual activities (mainly at church), and just focus on building my relationship with God and work on maturing. Lo and behold, this seemed to make things even WORSE! It seemed like church, the place where I ALWAYS felt comfortable, was now the most awkward and unsettling place for me to be. Every time I came home, I felt more and more disconnected. When I stepped back (after a serious talk with my pastor in which we BOTH came to an agreement, of course), I started to get the vibe that it was seen as an act of rebellion by some people instead of one of reflection. So now, not only do I feel disconnected, I feel more or less pushed out or punished because I was no longer doing what everyone expected me to do. Understand that it's one of the biggest contrasts in the world to me to feel closer to God than I ever have in my life, and yet feel so uncomfortable with my usual support system at the same time. It's just unheard of. 

Bear with me, this is going somewhere... 

    It is now the end of June, and my hair has grown in leaps and bounds. Whereas in September, I was asking questions like "What made me do this?" "What was I thinking?" "Who told me this was a good idea?" Every week (or month) I now ask questions like "What look am I going for this week?" "Wow, where did all this hair come from?" "How was I ever satisfied with just one look before?" I'm happy with my locks, I'm proud of my "hair skills" and I look forward to the end of the week so I can wash my hair and start fresh. My scalp is my canvas. 

    It is now the end of June, and my faith has grown in leaps and bounds. Whereas in August, I was asking questions like "How am I going to go through the rest of my life without my grandfather to talk to?" "Why am I so isolated?" "What am doing here?" Every DAY (almost, I'ma be real) I now ask questions like "God, where do You want me?" "God, what is it that You want me to understand?" "God, what do You want from me?" I'm still in that uncomfortable place. I am constantly under attack from the enemy, but I have much more confidence in God's abilities.  I rejoice in my trials because I understand that there is a much greater testimony for me on the other side. 

Weaving it all together... 

     For the month of June, I've been studying the book of John, and I finished it today. One of the things I noticed about John's reports of Jesus was the focus on time and timing. Throughout this book, we are constantly reminded of the fact that Jesus was very much aware of his coming end, but he was sure to remind those around him that His time had not yet come. 

     In Chapter 2, we read about Jesus turning water into wine. The thing is, when Jesus' mother came to him about the wine, he said that his time had not come. He still performed the miracle, but he knew that there would be a time when he would perform many, and that he was still in the state of "becoming". 

    In Chapter 11, we read about the story of Lazarus, a friend of Jesus who died. The thing about it is, Jesus, who could have prevented Lazarus from dying in the first place, waited until he was dead and buried before raising him. Although I'm sure it must have hurt him to see his friends (Martha and Mary) hurt so badly, He knew there was a purpose to waiting, and by doing so, He gained many believers. 

    Throughout the book of John, Judas Iscariot is mentioned more so than many of the other gospels. It is made clear that Jesus knew all along that Judas was going to betray him, and that Judas was never a true believer or disciple. How painful must it have been for Jesus to spend so much time with someone who he knew didn't care for or love Him the same way He did Judas? And yet, although he alluded to it, He did not expose Judas for who he was because His time had not yet come. 

   In Chapter 13, Jesus gives Judas the go-ahead to do what he was going to do, and quickly. To wait for years to be betrayed in a matter of hours must have been excruciating. 

   In Chapter 17, Jesus' reveals that His time has come, and asks that He be glorified so that He could glorify God, and ultimately, restore the relationship between God and Man. To finally give us a chance to reconcile with our Father and experience salvation and eternal life. 

    See, the truth about transitioning is that a lot of it has to do with timing. It seems like the biggest changes in our lives often come at the most inconvenient times and we are at a loss about how to handle them. Hair may seem like a shallow thing, but when it's not necessarily doing what you want it to do or how you imagined it would do, you realize how important it is to maintain it so that it can eventually get to a place of beauty (which is in the eye of the beholder). When you give your life to Christ, submit to God, and allow the Holy Spirit to lead you, you start to realize that, no matter how painful, when it's all over and done with, God will be glorified, and it will be to your benefit. Jesus said so! 

"And all mine are thine, and thine are mine; and I am glorified in them." - John 17:10 

*** For actual hair pics and tips just look at my Facebook album The Journey