Forgiveness and Repentance
This entire year, the Lord has been dealing with me about forgiveness...
... with some sprinkles of repentance thrust in there.
So can I tell you what happened?
Basically, I've always been known for being a very sensitive, emotional person. I really don't know where it came from because not too many people in my family are like that. In fact, many of them almost treated me like there was something wrong with me because it was so easy for my feelings to be hurt and for the tears to come.
So I learned to cool it as I got older. Hold it in. Don't cry so much, or at least don't let them see you. But an interesting thing happened. I became mean. I told people off. Cussed people out (at school). Cracked jokes that were intended to hit nerves, and I was RIGHT on the money most of the time.
Enter junior high. I got saved at the age of 12. I stopped cursing (at school, cus I didn't do it anywhere else). And, I officially loved Jesus. And I felt good inside. And that's about it. I still had a pretty bad attitude, and I was still pretty mean when I felt like being mean. Don't get me wrong, there were some other changes that went on in the inside. God definitely smoothed out some of my rough edges, and I wasn't AS attitudinal as I was before I got saved. But it was still there.
Fast forward 13 years to 2014. Now, I'm 24, going on 25. There's a lot that has happened since I gave my life to the Lord. I received the gift of the Holy Ghost, I graduated from high school, college, and graduate school. I'm working on a doctorate. And I encountered a lot of hurtful things, people, and experiences along the way.
So it's January, 2014, and I'm meditating on the scripture I just read. And the Lord drops it into my heart that I need to apologize to someone who has hurt me immensely. And I said, "why do I need to apologize?" And He made me realize that I had been holding unforgiveness in my heart for years toward this person, and by doing so, I committed a sin. I wasn't the victim anymore; I was the perpetrator. So, I apologized, and MAN!! That might have been the hardest thing I've done all year. Because I had to repent, AND then I still had to forgive! And let me tell you, when you bottle up old hurts for years and years, they do not come out easily.
Why am I telling you all this? Well, it's like this. I have learned that forgiveness is not about the other person. It's about you. It's a way for you to be free and not bound by what other people have done to or around you. When you don't forgive, that other person controls you. And I'm sorry, but my name is not Pinocchio! I need to make my own decisions (if it's pleasing to the Lord), free of pride and anger. Forgiveness does all of that.
Interestingly enough, repentance is about you, too! Somewhere down the line, we started to view the act of holding ourselves accountable for our actions as a negative thing. We convince ourselves that it wasn't that serious, or that the person will get over it - anything to avoid facing up to the wrong we've done or the hurt we've caused. But I found out. Repentance frees you, just like forgiveness does! When you walk around, knowing you've done something wrong, and not acknowledging it, you have a stench about you. You might be the only one who recognizes it, but it's there. And until you apologize to God, and anyone else you may have offended, YOU won't be able to live your life freely, without guilt and shame.
Repentance and forgiveness. Why? Because God our Father forgives us. Constantly. And when we repent, we are letting Him know that we are ready to move forward in Him and to stop living as cowards. It's all a part of salvation. It hurts, but it's necessary. And worth it.
... with some sprinkles of repentance thrust in there.
So can I tell you what happened?
Basically, I've always been known for being a very sensitive, emotional person. I really don't know where it came from because not too many people in my family are like that. In fact, many of them almost treated me like there was something wrong with me because it was so easy for my feelings to be hurt and for the tears to come.
So I learned to cool it as I got older. Hold it in. Don't cry so much, or at least don't let them see you. But an interesting thing happened. I became mean. I told people off. Cussed people out (at school). Cracked jokes that were intended to hit nerves, and I was RIGHT on the money most of the time.
Enter junior high. I got saved at the age of 12. I stopped cursing (at school, cus I didn't do it anywhere else). And, I officially loved Jesus. And I felt good inside. And that's about it. I still had a pretty bad attitude, and I was still pretty mean when I felt like being mean. Don't get me wrong, there were some other changes that went on in the inside. God definitely smoothed out some of my rough edges, and I wasn't AS attitudinal as I was before I got saved. But it was still there.
Fast forward 13 years to 2014. Now, I'm 24, going on 25. There's a lot that has happened since I gave my life to the Lord. I received the gift of the Holy Ghost, I graduated from high school, college, and graduate school. I'm working on a doctorate. And I encountered a lot of hurtful things, people, and experiences along the way.
So it's January, 2014, and I'm meditating on the scripture I just read. And the Lord drops it into my heart that I need to apologize to someone who has hurt me immensely. And I said, "why do I need to apologize?" And He made me realize that I had been holding unforgiveness in my heart for years toward this person, and by doing so, I committed a sin. I wasn't the victim anymore; I was the perpetrator. So, I apologized, and MAN!! That might have been the hardest thing I've done all year. Because I had to repent, AND then I still had to forgive! And let me tell you, when you bottle up old hurts for years and years, they do not come out easily.
Why am I telling you all this? Well, it's like this. I have learned that forgiveness is not about the other person. It's about you. It's a way for you to be free and not bound by what other people have done to or around you. When you don't forgive, that other person controls you. And I'm sorry, but my name is not Pinocchio! I need to make my own decisions (if it's pleasing to the Lord), free of pride and anger. Forgiveness does all of that.
Interestingly enough, repentance is about you, too! Somewhere down the line, we started to view the act of holding ourselves accountable for our actions as a negative thing. We convince ourselves that it wasn't that serious, or that the person will get over it - anything to avoid facing up to the wrong we've done or the hurt we've caused. But I found out. Repentance frees you, just like forgiveness does! When you walk around, knowing you've done something wrong, and not acknowledging it, you have a stench about you. You might be the only one who recognizes it, but it's there. And until you apologize to God, and anyone else you may have offended, YOU won't be able to live your life freely, without guilt and shame.
Repentance and forgiveness. Why? Because God our Father forgives us. Constantly. And when we repent, we are letting Him know that we are ready to move forward in Him and to stop living as cowards. It's all a part of salvation. It hurts, but it's necessary. And worth it.
Hi Jali! anytime you would like to submit anything to BOLD Journal we would love to have you. Always interested in featuring inspirational, anointed writers and bloggers. E-mail is boldimpactnetwork@gmail.om
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