Watch Your Words
"Let the words of mouth, and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer." - Psalm 19:14
I was hemming and hawing the other day because I wanted to do a December post, and had no idea what to write about. I'm teaching a lesson on Leah soon, so I wanted to hold off on posting my thoughts about her. But then... opportunity presented itself.
It seems that ever since I've been working in a school with children who have disabilities, I am much more aware of the power of words. For example, if I'm writing a report about a child I have just finished evaluating, I don't say, "This kid is autistic and he needs help." I say something like, "It is recommended that _______ receive services as a student with autism." It's called being "person-centered," and makes it about the person and not the disability. We try to always frame things positively by saying things like, "the student will benefit from training in skills like brushing his teeth, combing her hair, or washing dishes," instead of phrases like, "he won't brush his teeth, she can't comb her hair, and he doesn't do the dishes." You see the difference? And when we talk about student behavior, we look for operational definitions, things that we can see. So instead of saying, "he was acting crazy in class," we say, "he threw desks while he screamed and cried." You get the picture.
Well, that practice has rubbed off on me in other areas and I've gotten a little more sensitive to the conversations that I hear and participate in. I have always had pet peeves. My number 1 is referring to women/girls as "females." Oh my gosh, it makes my skin crawl! Adult female humans are called "women" or "ladies." Infant, young, or adolescent female humans are called "girls." Okay? Okay!!!
But I think I've gotten worse. All of a sudden, name-calling grates me in a way that it never has before. I find myself talking less about people and more about their behaviors. It's really interesting, though, because it has changed my attitude toward people. I find myself a little more forgiving because I can focus on the one behavior, how often it occurs, and the circumstances surrounding it before I make a decision about the person who did it. Instead of having a bad encounter with someone and declaring then and there that "I don't like this person," I can say, "I don't like what they did." It's a lot easier to get over things when it's one event and not an entire personality you're contending with.
Where am I going with this? To be honest, I'm not really sure. But I have had a few recent experiences that have reminded me of the power of words and the way they are used.
James 3:5-6 says, "So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell."
Basically, your tongue is such a small part of your body, and yet it has so much power to cause damage. Not only the words we say, but the way that we say them. When you throw around your words in damaging ways, you have the power to start feuds, end relationships, discourage, hurt, and exacerbate preexisting issues. When you use your words deliberately and in a caring way, you have the power to heal hurts, begin and strengthen relationships, build up, and soothe tension.
As believers, what does this mean? Well, how much more can we accomplish in the Kingdom if we used our words more wisely? It seems as if in the church is where people are the most careless with their words. We're quick to turn our noses up at people when they don't look, dress, talk, or act like we do, and we sometimes forget the "love" when we correct. Or when we respond to correction. Or when we're trying to organize people for our programs. Or when... whatever. We're very quick to tell people what they're doing wrong, or what they should be doing, and not encouraging them or acknowledging when they're doing something right. And that's important.
I believe in balance. I believe sometimes you have to use tough love. There are some people who don't hear you unless you're telling it to them straight. But what have you tried before? Have you pulled them to the side and asked them about their motivations behind their actions? Believe it or not, sometimes people do things because they simply don't know better, especially in church. Did you offer to pray with them or teach them about a particular practice? Or did you just start fussing?
If you have a specific problem with someone, did you just write them off and start badmouthing them to anyone who would listen? Or did you pray for and with them? Did you address your issue with that person and allow for a chance to reach an understanding that helps both of you? Did you call them out publicly, attempting to embarrass or shame them into stopping their behavior?
Think about it. Words leave a lasting impression, and yet many of us go through the day not paying attention to half the things that come out of our mouths. I've had people quote me, and I would think, "that doesn't sound like me." And the truth is, I probably didn't mean what I said, but because I was so thoughtless as to what I was saying, this person now thought that this was who I was. Based on what I said.
So for 2015, let's make a resolution. I'm going to watch my words. I'm going to think before I speak, and try to use language that is mostly positive and encouraging. If I have to be tough, let it be clear that it comes from a place of love and an interest to see the person do better. Yes? Yes.
I was hemming and hawing the other day because I wanted to do a December post, and had no idea what to write about. I'm teaching a lesson on Leah soon, so I wanted to hold off on posting my thoughts about her. But then... opportunity presented itself.
It seems that ever since I've been working in a school with children who have disabilities, I am much more aware of the power of words. For example, if I'm writing a report about a child I have just finished evaluating, I don't say, "This kid is autistic and he needs help." I say something like, "It is recommended that _______ receive services as a student with autism." It's called being "person-centered," and makes it about the person and not the disability. We try to always frame things positively by saying things like, "the student will benefit from training in skills like brushing his teeth, combing her hair, or washing dishes," instead of phrases like, "he won't brush his teeth, she can't comb her hair, and he doesn't do the dishes." You see the difference? And when we talk about student behavior, we look for operational definitions, things that we can see. So instead of saying, "he was acting crazy in class," we say, "he threw desks while he screamed and cried." You get the picture.
Well, that practice has rubbed off on me in other areas and I've gotten a little more sensitive to the conversations that I hear and participate in. I have always had pet peeves. My number 1 is referring to women/girls as "females." Oh my gosh, it makes my skin crawl! Adult female humans are called "women" or "ladies." Infant, young, or adolescent female humans are called "girls." Okay? Okay!!!
But I think I've gotten worse. All of a sudden, name-calling grates me in a way that it never has before. I find myself talking less about people and more about their behaviors. It's really interesting, though, because it has changed my attitude toward people. I find myself a little more forgiving because I can focus on the one behavior, how often it occurs, and the circumstances surrounding it before I make a decision about the person who did it. Instead of having a bad encounter with someone and declaring then and there that "I don't like this person," I can say, "I don't like what they did." It's a lot easier to get over things when it's one event and not an entire personality you're contending with.
Where am I going with this? To be honest, I'm not really sure. But I have had a few recent experiences that have reminded me of the power of words and the way they are used.
James 3:5-6 says, "So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell."
Basically, your tongue is such a small part of your body, and yet it has so much power to cause damage. Not only the words we say, but the way that we say them. When you throw around your words in damaging ways, you have the power to start feuds, end relationships, discourage, hurt, and exacerbate preexisting issues. When you use your words deliberately and in a caring way, you have the power to heal hurts, begin and strengthen relationships, build up, and soothe tension.
As believers, what does this mean? Well, how much more can we accomplish in the Kingdom if we used our words more wisely? It seems as if in the church is where people are the most careless with their words. We're quick to turn our noses up at people when they don't look, dress, talk, or act like we do, and we sometimes forget the "love" when we correct. Or when we respond to correction. Or when we're trying to organize people for our programs. Or when... whatever. We're very quick to tell people what they're doing wrong, or what they should be doing, and not encouraging them or acknowledging when they're doing something right. And that's important.
I believe in balance. I believe sometimes you have to use tough love. There are some people who don't hear you unless you're telling it to them straight. But what have you tried before? Have you pulled them to the side and asked them about their motivations behind their actions? Believe it or not, sometimes people do things because they simply don't know better, especially in church. Did you offer to pray with them or teach them about a particular practice? Or did you just start fussing?
If you have a specific problem with someone, did you just write them off and start badmouthing them to anyone who would listen? Or did you pray for and with them? Did you address your issue with that person and allow for a chance to reach an understanding that helps both of you? Did you call them out publicly, attempting to embarrass or shame them into stopping their behavior?
Think about it. Words leave a lasting impression, and yet many of us go through the day not paying attention to half the things that come out of our mouths. I've had people quote me, and I would think, "that doesn't sound like me." And the truth is, I probably didn't mean what I said, but because I was so thoughtless as to what I was saying, this person now thought that this was who I was. Based on what I said.
So for 2015, let's make a resolution. I'm going to watch my words. I'm going to think before I speak, and try to use language that is mostly positive and encouraging. If I have to be tough, let it be clear that it comes from a place of love and an interest to see the person do better. Yes? Yes.
Comments
Post a Comment