My Year of Grace
When I turned 25, I asked to God make it my year of "grace." I wanted to have an understanding of what it meant to walk in His unmerited favor, and pass it on to others. I wanted to become more graceful, both inside and out. He has exceeded my expectations. Here's what I learned:
Grace is a gift and freely given (Romans 1:5) - Let's say that I gave you a tri-color gold bracelet embedded with multiple precious stones, engraved with your name on it, along with a proclamation of my love for you, for no apparent reason. Would you be turning the box upside down trying to find the price tag? Would you ask me a thousand questions as to why I would do such a thing? Would you be afraid to wear it because it's so nice and you don't think you could wear it well? Would you try to give it back because you didn't want to feel like you owed me anything? Would you try to guess how much it cost and resolve in your heart that you would repay me, or give me something of equal or greater value to even the scales?
Truthfully, most people (including me) would answer "yes" to most or all of those questions. Most of us would be extremely uncomfortable accepting such an expensive and precious gift unless it came from someone that we really loved and trusted. Isn't that interesting? The receiver needs to trust the giver in order to accept the gift, or else they are likely to be overrun by suspicion and not truly able to enjoy it. Put a pin in that. Here's the thing: what if I truly gave it to you simply because I loved you and wanted you to have it? Then any of the reactions described above would hurt and offend me.
Hey. Guess what. We do it to God all the time! He extends His grace to us every single second of every single day, and we are constantly questioning it, rejecting it, or trying to make up for it. And it has to be bothersome. It's like... hey! I'm giving you Barbie's dreamhouse. Why are you examining the wrapping paper???
God's grace looks like...
Provision (1 Corinthians 12:9) - God said that His grace is sufficient to supply all our needs. When we fall short in any area, He already knows what will make up for the lack, and it's always ready when we need it. It's like pulling up to the drive-thru and the person already has your order without you asking or paying for it. The problem comes when we try to figure it out without Him. We're trying so many maneuvers, we can't even fit our car into the space to get to the window.
Unending mercy (Lamentations 3:22) - I was driving on the interstate. I left in a hurry and I was driving fast because I was mad that I had to take this trip. On top of that, the other drivers were going so SLOW (by my standards). Well I spent the entire 7-hour drive complaining, griping, and just being annoying. Nobody else was there, but my mood was foul enough that I annoyed myself. Guess who got there safely? I barely made room for God on that trip, but He protected me anyway. His grace says that He will not allow us to be consumed, and it's because of His favor (aka, grace) that He will always have compassion for us, regardless of how bratty we are. When we're not careful, we make reckless mistakes. God's grace allows Him to show us mercy and not let our own carelessness take us out.
Forgiveness (Mark 11:25) - This was a struggle for me, for real. Not only in forgiving others, but accepting that I was forgiven. Truthfully, this forgiveness loop has been replaying itself since I was 24. Now that I'm turning 26, I'm ready to graduate from this class. I'd say I've almost gathered all my credits. So. Pop Quiz. What have I learned? I can't accept God's forgiveness unless and until I forgive those who hurt me.
We psychologists like to use a term called "cognitive dissonance," where a person is conflicted because they are trying to reconcile opposing ideals. Like a person who stays in an abusive relationship because they have convinced themselves that the person hurts them because they love them. Or, like how I hate gory horror movies, but I love "The Walking Dead," which is disgusting, gross, and full of suspense. Usually, you have to come up with all types of rationales in order to justify living under these conditions or else "torment" will be your best friend and little brother.
People who operate in unforgiveness are experiencing "spiritual dissonance," in my opinion. We claim that God forgives us. We expect others to forgive us the way that God forgives us. But we can't forgive others when they hurt us. If I hurt you, it was because of factors 1-10, and you should forgive me. If you hurt me, it's because there's something wrong with you, and you need to change your entire life before I'll forgive you. Why do we do that? Eh. We're human, and we can't help it. The truth is that when we sin, we are already forgiven. But we can't accept God's forgiveness until we learn to forgive others.
But what if I can't do it on my own? Oh! *Finger snaps* There's that grace thing again. Remember, His grace is sufficient to supply our needs. His strength is made perfect in weakness. So if we're weak in the area of forgiving others, He'll help us. Whoa. What? So not only does His grace allow Him to forgive us, but it extends itself to help us forgive others so that we can accept His forgiveness in the first place! I mean, wow.
Discipline (Hebrews 12:6) - Most of us hate that word. It takes us back to a time of time-outs, suicide drills, groundings, spankings, beatings, whippings, whatever your parents and teachers used to keep you in check. The thing is, most of us look back on those times and appreciate what the adults in our lives were trying to do or teach us by disciplining us. They were teaching us respect, self-control, patience, strong work ethics, reliability, responsibility, skills, resourcefulness, and so many other things. As kids we couldn't see it, but as adults, we reap the benefits. But when we get saved, it's like we're kids again. Back to having no sense and no clue as to why we have to go through what we go through to get to where God wants us to be.
While God's grace covers us, and His mercy protects us, He won't always save us from ourselves. He's able to, and sometimes He will intervene before we get too stupid, but He also allows us to experience the consequences of our actions. I think that here is where people get messed up. This is why it's so hard for so many of us to accept God's grace. We're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, to get our comeuppance, to figure out what the catch is. We're so fearful of this idea of "discipline," thinking that it's only about punishment. The truth is, it's all about getting us to a deeper place in Him, which is the safest place anywhere.
For many of us growing up, corporal punishment was the "go-to" method for getting a kid together. I hated getting spankings because then I would get lectured afterward. I always wished they would just pick one and let me go. I usually already knew what I had done wrong, and didn't want to talk about it. Of course, I just sat and listened because I didn't want to get hit again. At the time, I just thought my parents were bullies who hit me just because they could. Now, I get that they were trying to teach me, and even if I didn't understand the lesson, they were making sure I would pass the test the next time. They were helping me, even though it hurt sometimes.
The Bible says that God disciplines those He loves. That means He will let us go through things that hurt us, even when we're following Him. Why? Because He wants us to get over the hurdles and move on. Sometimes we're like petulant little children, throwing tantrums and demanding to get our way. So what does He do? He lines us up and gets us together so that we can grow and thrive. It's not because He's too busy to do anything about it, or that He gets a laugh out of seeing us confused and in pain. It's because He truly, truly loves us.
Joy, Peace, and Contentment - God's got your back. No, like really. You actually have a band of angels following you around. Why? Because God extends His grace for our daily protection, provision, and promise of the future. He's constantly thinking about us (Jeremiah 29:11), praying for us (John 17:13-20), and intervening for us. So we really don't have to be stressed out.
When we're running around in circles trying to "fix" things, we're guaranteed to get really annoyed. It's like running into a wall, trying to get to the other side. Your goal is whatever's on the other side of that wall, but it keeps getting in your way. You don't even mind the pain of running into the wall if it means you'll get there. But when you keep experiencing that pain but don't see any results for your efforts... there's no joy to be found. There's just pain.
But if we can wait patiently on our side of the wall and rely on the knowledge that God would not have us to lack anything we need, we'll find that He will actually show us (or create) a door, a hole in the side, or have those angels carry us right over. Or He'll give us what we need on this side so we don't even need to go over there. Sometimes He allows obstacles to come our way so that we'll allow Him to get closer to us, so that He can prove that He is, indeed, our help. When you know that your help is here, you can chill out and smell the roses planted along that wall. You can take refuge in the shade protecting you from the heat of the sun. You can admire the beauty of your surroundings and find joy in the little things.
Intimacy - God's grace is the tool for His ultimate plan: intimacy and closeness to Him. That's why He gave us free will. If I loved Him because I had to, it wouldn't be the same as loving Him because I choose to. He knew that as a result of my free will, I would sin and fall short of His love. So He sent me a Savior to redeem my sin and reconcile me to Him. He knew that if I were only saved but not submitted to Him, we wouldn't be much better off than if I hadn't accepted salvation. I'd no longer be cut off from Him, but I still wouldn't know Him. It's like that relative that has so much bitterness inside them, they won't allow anyone to get close. You love them, you are connected to them, but you can't really have a relationship with them because they keep pushing you away. They may be aware of and apologize for their behavior, but the fact remains. You can't get close until they truly let you in.
That's how it is with God. He loves us, He keeps coming for us. We can do the bare minimum and simply accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. But even though we're connected to Him, He can't get close to us unless we let Him. God's grace says that as long as I have breath, He'll never stop trying to be my best friend, the lover of my soul, my father and mother, my breath, my air, my everything. He already knows me better than I know myself. He wants me to know Him just the same.
Walking in God's grace means...
Not allowing others to confiscate or undermine what God has placed in you - God made us all unique and with an individual thought in mind. No two people are alike. No two people will always think alike or agree on everything. But we all belong to Him, and He has given us each something special. Unfortunately, not everyone will appreciate the way your gift is presented. It took me years to get that I just can't please everyone. It took me longer to realize that sometimes I won't please anyone. If you do wrong and apologize, everyone won't forgive you, even if you forgive everyone else. You can just be standing in a corner and someone will get mad at you for whatever reason.
The devil loves to undermine God's authority, and one of his favorite tricks is to use other people to do it. If God says He's forgiven you, you'll run into somebody from your past who will bring up the very incident you just asked forgiveness for! If the preacher talks about loving your neighbor, you'll overhear Sister Sallie dragging your name through the mud 10 minutes after service. If God says that He has a specific calling on your life, people will go out of their way to let you know how crazy you are to pursue it. People will tear down your family, your personality, your education, your ministry, anything. And some of them don't even know why they do it. But you should. It's. The. Devil. Don't let him or anyone else get you to surrender who God is calling you to be.
I learned that there is a certain way that God has caused me to look at things, to seek after, and to live by. I've had a very unique point of view since I was little. I can honestly say that to this day, I only know of 2 people who think like me or understand how I think. Many of my viewpoints have already been rejected by saints and non-saints alike. But walking in grace means that I don't allow them to keep me from becoming who God is molding me into. All I can do is consult the spiritual authorities in my life, stand on the Word, and seek God's direction. And you know what? Since I recognized the ploy of the enemy, his blows don't seem so heavy. My mind is made up. No one is allowed to steal my spiritual inheritance. No one.
Extending grace toward others - It's really hard to love people who act like they don't want your love. There's an old Winans' song, "Don't Wanna Be Loved," that talks about all the ways God reaches out to us, and we reject Him over and over, saying without so many words that we don't want His love. I've come across people who have taken my love or attempt at showing them love and thrown it away. And it hurt. And hurt often turned into anger and a judgmental attitude toward them. The devil at it again. Walking in grace means forgiving the hurt, recognizing the need to love those people anyway, and staying ready should they change their minds and decide they need your love after all. It doesn't mean you sign up for abuse. If someone makes it clear that they won't accept or value the love you show them, it's okay to back off for the time being. Just be ready to try again in the future. Why? God does it for us. All the time.
Accepting forgiveness - I don't know when or how I became a Type A personality. I like to get things done, and if it seems as if I won't be able to finish it, or do it to my satisfaction, I often won't even attempt to waste my time. Or so I thought. I figured out recently that that was a front for my insecurity and fear that if I tried hard on something I didn't know I could do, I might fail. And I don't forgive myself easily when I fail.
Imagine my surprise when I realized I wasn't walking in forgiveness. I was still looking over my shoulder, going out of my way to right wrongs that I committed years ago, justifying everything I said and did to make sure I had sound reasoning for every choice I made. What a prison. Oh, what peace we often forfeit. Oh, what needless pain we bear. Walking in grace means believing that not only has God forgiven you, He's thrown your sin into a sea of forgetfulness. So forget about it. I know, I know... easier said than done. But so many of us have constructed a prison around ourselves, punishing ourselves for things that God has already gotten rid of in His mind. Why do we keep thinking we know better than Him?
I have a suggestion. Every time you pass a mirror, say to yourself, "I am forgiven." When you're in the shower, rebuke the guilt and lies the enemy tries to whisper in your ear, washing your soul as well as your body. If someone tries to bring it up, ignore them. Or better yet, just say, "isn't it amazing how awesome and forgiving our God is? I'm so glad you're praying for me." God forgave you. That is enough. It doesn't mean you go running back out to do it again, but you accept that the past is what it is. In the past.
Learning to relax - My grandmother recently prayed for me. She prayed for the peace of God, and she instructed me to ask the Lord to help me to relax. Remember, Type A over here! I don't sit still. I take work home (sometimes). I'm always going somewhere. Even when I'm sitting down doing nothing, my legs are shaking, itching to get up and walk somewhere. I have 50 half-finished crochet projects in a bag that I stuff down in a corner because I don't want to be reminded of things I started and didn't finish. I'm always thinking about somebody and calling them up. If I find out that they need anything (who doesn't need something?), I'm racking my brain trying to figure out how to help them get it. I exhaust myself.
Jesus came for us to have life, and to have it more abundantly. I love my family. I love my friends. But sometimes, I just need to get away from everybody. Turn off my phone, shut the door, log off all my social media sites. Just "saddown," as the folks say. Sometimes the abundant life is the gift of being alone and forgetting everyone else. That used to be a major source of guilt and anxiety for me. But walking in grace means trusting that God wants the best for me, and sometimes that means sitting my little self down somewhere and taking a nap.
God's grace was here before us, it's with us every day, and it'll remain after we're gone.
Do you get it yet? It's actually a scary concept. In order to accept God's grace toward you, you have to trust Him. Remember that expensive bracelet. You have to be willing to surrender your life to Him without thinking there's another shoe to drop. You have to understand and accept that there is no way to earn it, repay it, or become worthy of it. You have to know that you are no more or less deserving than anyone else God extends His grace to. Even though you owe Him everything, He's not waiting to make you pay Him back. He just wants you.
Walking in grace means unlearning everything we've been taught since birth. We have to unlearn independence, the belief that nothing worth having is free, and the practice of working to get grace, or salvation for that matter. We have to learn that we can get some things, just by asking for it. We have to learn that, as fully grown men and women, anything we know is sorely outmatched by God's wisdom. We have to unlearn making decisions and learn to consult God on everything. It's not meant to degrade or demoralize. It's actually to build us up and make us stronger. By the grace of God, I'm still here. By the grace of God, I have my mind and body in tact. By the grace of God, things that bothered me a year ago don't bother me now. By the grace of God, I'm still saved. By the grace of God, I wasn't left alone to fend for myself when I needed somebody. By the grace of God... I can walk in the grace of God.
Grace is a gift and freely given (Romans 1:5) - Let's say that I gave you a tri-color gold bracelet embedded with multiple precious stones, engraved with your name on it, along with a proclamation of my love for you, for no apparent reason. Would you be turning the box upside down trying to find the price tag? Would you ask me a thousand questions as to why I would do such a thing? Would you be afraid to wear it because it's so nice and you don't think you could wear it well? Would you try to give it back because you didn't want to feel like you owed me anything? Would you try to guess how much it cost and resolve in your heart that you would repay me, or give me something of equal or greater value to even the scales?
Truthfully, most people (including me) would answer "yes" to most or all of those questions. Most of us would be extremely uncomfortable accepting such an expensive and precious gift unless it came from someone that we really loved and trusted. Isn't that interesting? The receiver needs to trust the giver in order to accept the gift, or else they are likely to be overrun by suspicion and not truly able to enjoy it. Put a pin in that. Here's the thing: what if I truly gave it to you simply because I loved you and wanted you to have it? Then any of the reactions described above would hurt and offend me.
Hey. Guess what. We do it to God all the time! He extends His grace to us every single second of every single day, and we are constantly questioning it, rejecting it, or trying to make up for it. And it has to be bothersome. It's like... hey! I'm giving you Barbie's dreamhouse. Why are you examining the wrapping paper???
God's grace looks like...
Provision (1 Corinthians 12:9) - God said that His grace is sufficient to supply all our needs. When we fall short in any area, He already knows what will make up for the lack, and it's always ready when we need it. It's like pulling up to the drive-thru and the person already has your order without you asking or paying for it. The problem comes when we try to figure it out without Him. We're trying so many maneuvers, we can't even fit our car into the space to get to the window.
Unending mercy (Lamentations 3:22) - I was driving on the interstate. I left in a hurry and I was driving fast because I was mad that I had to take this trip. On top of that, the other drivers were going so SLOW (by my standards). Well I spent the entire 7-hour drive complaining, griping, and just being annoying. Nobody else was there, but my mood was foul enough that I annoyed myself. Guess who got there safely? I barely made room for God on that trip, but He protected me anyway. His grace says that He will not allow us to be consumed, and it's because of His favor (aka, grace) that He will always have compassion for us, regardless of how bratty we are. When we're not careful, we make reckless mistakes. God's grace allows Him to show us mercy and not let our own carelessness take us out.
Forgiveness (Mark 11:25) - This was a struggle for me, for real. Not only in forgiving others, but accepting that I was forgiven. Truthfully, this forgiveness loop has been replaying itself since I was 24. Now that I'm turning 26, I'm ready to graduate from this class. I'd say I've almost gathered all my credits. So. Pop Quiz. What have I learned? I can't accept God's forgiveness unless and until I forgive those who hurt me.
We psychologists like to use a term called "cognitive dissonance," where a person is conflicted because they are trying to reconcile opposing ideals. Like a person who stays in an abusive relationship because they have convinced themselves that the person hurts them because they love them. Or, like how I hate gory horror movies, but I love "The Walking Dead," which is disgusting, gross, and full of suspense. Usually, you have to come up with all types of rationales in order to justify living under these conditions or else "torment" will be your best friend and little brother.
People who operate in unforgiveness are experiencing "spiritual dissonance," in my opinion. We claim that God forgives us. We expect others to forgive us the way that God forgives us. But we can't forgive others when they hurt us. If I hurt you, it was because of factors 1-10, and you should forgive me. If you hurt me, it's because there's something wrong with you, and you need to change your entire life before I'll forgive you. Why do we do that? Eh. We're human, and we can't help it. The truth is that when we sin, we are already forgiven. But we can't accept God's forgiveness until we learn to forgive others.
But what if I can't do it on my own? Oh! *Finger snaps* There's that grace thing again. Remember, His grace is sufficient to supply our needs. His strength is made perfect in weakness. So if we're weak in the area of forgiving others, He'll help us. Whoa. What? So not only does His grace allow Him to forgive us, but it extends itself to help us forgive others so that we can accept His forgiveness in the first place! I mean, wow.
Discipline (Hebrews 12:6) - Most of us hate that word. It takes us back to a time of time-outs, suicide drills, groundings, spankings, beatings, whippings, whatever your parents and teachers used to keep you in check. The thing is, most of us look back on those times and appreciate what the adults in our lives were trying to do or teach us by disciplining us. They were teaching us respect, self-control, patience, strong work ethics, reliability, responsibility, skills, resourcefulness, and so many other things. As kids we couldn't see it, but as adults, we reap the benefits. But when we get saved, it's like we're kids again. Back to having no sense and no clue as to why we have to go through what we go through to get to where God wants us to be.
While God's grace covers us, and His mercy protects us, He won't always save us from ourselves. He's able to, and sometimes He will intervene before we get too stupid, but He also allows us to experience the consequences of our actions. I think that here is where people get messed up. This is why it's so hard for so many of us to accept God's grace. We're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, to get our comeuppance, to figure out what the catch is. We're so fearful of this idea of "discipline," thinking that it's only about punishment. The truth is, it's all about getting us to a deeper place in Him, which is the safest place anywhere.
For many of us growing up, corporal punishment was the "go-to" method for getting a kid together. I hated getting spankings because then I would get lectured afterward. I always wished they would just pick one and let me go. I usually already knew what I had done wrong, and didn't want to talk about it. Of course, I just sat and listened because I didn't want to get hit again. At the time, I just thought my parents were bullies who hit me just because they could. Now, I get that they were trying to teach me, and even if I didn't understand the lesson, they were making sure I would pass the test the next time. They were helping me, even though it hurt sometimes.
The Bible says that God disciplines those He loves. That means He will let us go through things that hurt us, even when we're following Him. Why? Because He wants us to get over the hurdles and move on. Sometimes we're like petulant little children, throwing tantrums and demanding to get our way. So what does He do? He lines us up and gets us together so that we can grow and thrive. It's not because He's too busy to do anything about it, or that He gets a laugh out of seeing us confused and in pain. It's because He truly, truly loves us.
Joy, Peace, and Contentment - God's got your back. No, like really. You actually have a band of angels following you around. Why? Because God extends His grace for our daily protection, provision, and promise of the future. He's constantly thinking about us (Jeremiah 29:11), praying for us (John 17:13-20), and intervening for us. So we really don't have to be stressed out.
When we're running around in circles trying to "fix" things, we're guaranteed to get really annoyed. It's like running into a wall, trying to get to the other side. Your goal is whatever's on the other side of that wall, but it keeps getting in your way. You don't even mind the pain of running into the wall if it means you'll get there. But when you keep experiencing that pain but don't see any results for your efforts... there's no joy to be found. There's just pain.
But if we can wait patiently on our side of the wall and rely on the knowledge that God would not have us to lack anything we need, we'll find that He will actually show us (or create) a door, a hole in the side, or have those angels carry us right over. Or He'll give us what we need on this side so we don't even need to go over there. Sometimes He allows obstacles to come our way so that we'll allow Him to get closer to us, so that He can prove that He is, indeed, our help. When you know that your help is here, you can chill out and smell the roses planted along that wall. You can take refuge in the shade protecting you from the heat of the sun. You can admire the beauty of your surroundings and find joy in the little things.
Intimacy - God's grace is the tool for His ultimate plan: intimacy and closeness to Him. That's why He gave us free will. If I loved Him because I had to, it wouldn't be the same as loving Him because I choose to. He knew that as a result of my free will, I would sin and fall short of His love. So He sent me a Savior to redeem my sin and reconcile me to Him. He knew that if I were only saved but not submitted to Him, we wouldn't be much better off than if I hadn't accepted salvation. I'd no longer be cut off from Him, but I still wouldn't know Him. It's like that relative that has so much bitterness inside them, they won't allow anyone to get close. You love them, you are connected to them, but you can't really have a relationship with them because they keep pushing you away. They may be aware of and apologize for their behavior, but the fact remains. You can't get close until they truly let you in.
That's how it is with God. He loves us, He keeps coming for us. We can do the bare minimum and simply accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. But even though we're connected to Him, He can't get close to us unless we let Him. God's grace says that as long as I have breath, He'll never stop trying to be my best friend, the lover of my soul, my father and mother, my breath, my air, my everything. He already knows me better than I know myself. He wants me to know Him just the same.
Walking in God's grace means...
Not allowing others to confiscate or undermine what God has placed in you - God made us all unique and with an individual thought in mind. No two people are alike. No two people will always think alike or agree on everything. But we all belong to Him, and He has given us each something special. Unfortunately, not everyone will appreciate the way your gift is presented. It took me years to get that I just can't please everyone. It took me longer to realize that sometimes I won't please anyone. If you do wrong and apologize, everyone won't forgive you, even if you forgive everyone else. You can just be standing in a corner and someone will get mad at you for whatever reason.
The devil loves to undermine God's authority, and one of his favorite tricks is to use other people to do it. If God says He's forgiven you, you'll run into somebody from your past who will bring up the very incident you just asked forgiveness for! If the preacher talks about loving your neighbor, you'll overhear Sister Sallie dragging your name through the mud 10 minutes after service. If God says that He has a specific calling on your life, people will go out of their way to let you know how crazy you are to pursue it. People will tear down your family, your personality, your education, your ministry, anything. And some of them don't even know why they do it. But you should. It's. The. Devil. Don't let him or anyone else get you to surrender who God is calling you to be.
I learned that there is a certain way that God has caused me to look at things, to seek after, and to live by. I've had a very unique point of view since I was little. I can honestly say that to this day, I only know of 2 people who think like me or understand how I think. Many of my viewpoints have already been rejected by saints and non-saints alike. But walking in grace means that I don't allow them to keep me from becoming who God is molding me into. All I can do is consult the spiritual authorities in my life, stand on the Word, and seek God's direction. And you know what? Since I recognized the ploy of the enemy, his blows don't seem so heavy. My mind is made up. No one is allowed to steal my spiritual inheritance. No one.
Extending grace toward others - It's really hard to love people who act like they don't want your love. There's an old Winans' song, "Don't Wanna Be Loved," that talks about all the ways God reaches out to us, and we reject Him over and over, saying without so many words that we don't want His love. I've come across people who have taken my love or attempt at showing them love and thrown it away. And it hurt. And hurt often turned into anger and a judgmental attitude toward them. The devil at it again. Walking in grace means forgiving the hurt, recognizing the need to love those people anyway, and staying ready should they change their minds and decide they need your love after all. It doesn't mean you sign up for abuse. If someone makes it clear that they won't accept or value the love you show them, it's okay to back off for the time being. Just be ready to try again in the future. Why? God does it for us. All the time.
Accepting forgiveness - I don't know when or how I became a Type A personality. I like to get things done, and if it seems as if I won't be able to finish it, or do it to my satisfaction, I often won't even attempt to waste my time. Or so I thought. I figured out recently that that was a front for my insecurity and fear that if I tried hard on something I didn't know I could do, I might fail. And I don't forgive myself easily when I fail.
Imagine my surprise when I realized I wasn't walking in forgiveness. I was still looking over my shoulder, going out of my way to right wrongs that I committed years ago, justifying everything I said and did to make sure I had sound reasoning for every choice I made. What a prison. Oh, what peace we often forfeit. Oh, what needless pain we bear. Walking in grace means believing that not only has God forgiven you, He's thrown your sin into a sea of forgetfulness. So forget about it. I know, I know... easier said than done. But so many of us have constructed a prison around ourselves, punishing ourselves for things that God has already gotten rid of in His mind. Why do we keep thinking we know better than Him?
I have a suggestion. Every time you pass a mirror, say to yourself, "I am forgiven." When you're in the shower, rebuke the guilt and lies the enemy tries to whisper in your ear, washing your soul as well as your body. If someone tries to bring it up, ignore them. Or better yet, just say, "isn't it amazing how awesome and forgiving our God is? I'm so glad you're praying for me." God forgave you. That is enough. It doesn't mean you go running back out to do it again, but you accept that the past is what it is. In the past.
Learning to relax - My grandmother recently prayed for me. She prayed for the peace of God, and she instructed me to ask the Lord to help me to relax. Remember, Type A over here! I don't sit still. I take work home (sometimes). I'm always going somewhere. Even when I'm sitting down doing nothing, my legs are shaking, itching to get up and walk somewhere. I have 50 half-finished crochet projects in a bag that I stuff down in a corner because I don't want to be reminded of things I started and didn't finish. I'm always thinking about somebody and calling them up. If I find out that they need anything (who doesn't need something?), I'm racking my brain trying to figure out how to help them get it. I exhaust myself.
Jesus came for us to have life, and to have it more abundantly. I love my family. I love my friends. But sometimes, I just need to get away from everybody. Turn off my phone, shut the door, log off all my social media sites. Just "saddown," as the folks say. Sometimes the abundant life is the gift of being alone and forgetting everyone else. That used to be a major source of guilt and anxiety for me. But walking in grace means trusting that God wants the best for me, and sometimes that means sitting my little self down somewhere and taking a nap.
God's grace was here before us, it's with us every day, and it'll remain after we're gone.
Do you get it yet? It's actually a scary concept. In order to accept God's grace toward you, you have to trust Him. Remember that expensive bracelet. You have to be willing to surrender your life to Him without thinking there's another shoe to drop. You have to understand and accept that there is no way to earn it, repay it, or become worthy of it. You have to know that you are no more or less deserving than anyone else God extends His grace to. Even though you owe Him everything, He's not waiting to make you pay Him back. He just wants you.
Walking in grace means unlearning everything we've been taught since birth. We have to unlearn independence, the belief that nothing worth having is free, and the practice of working to get grace, or salvation for that matter. We have to learn that we can get some things, just by asking for it. We have to learn that, as fully grown men and women, anything we know is sorely outmatched by God's wisdom. We have to unlearn making decisions and learn to consult God on everything. It's not meant to degrade or demoralize. It's actually to build us up and make us stronger. By the grace of God, I'm still here. By the grace of God, I have my mind and body in tact. By the grace of God, things that bothered me a year ago don't bother me now. By the grace of God, I'm still saved. By the grace of God, I wasn't left alone to fend for myself when I needed somebody. By the grace of God... I can walk in the grace of God.
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