Thought Vomits

The thing about me is that I always want to say something but when I open my mouth the right words never come out
So every once in awhile I just have to do a thought-vomit and write out everything that's been on my mind
I mean I can't accurately do that without putting all my business out in the street
But something is better than nothing, right? Right. That's what I thought

Sometimes you try and try to get your mind to think of other things
But that thing is so stubborn!
So after awhile you just have to accept what you're thinking about and see where your thoughts take you
I don't know about you, but my mind is a scary place

Sometimes you have SO MUCH that you know you have to do
And it overwhelms you to the point where you don't want to do anything
But you know if you don't you won't get to where you need to go
Then you do want to do something but if you do it wrong,
You'll be in even more trouble than you were in when you weren't doing anything
So there you sit, petrified to move or stand still
But your brain is constantly reminding you that your life is in your hands
And it can go up in smoke at ANY SECOND!

So you stress and you worry and you pray
But it's not really praying because you're not really praying in faith
You're just going through the emotions of talking to God so you can say that you did if anybody asks
But you don't REALLY get to talk to God until you're so broken down by your own mind
That you just start crying somewhere and asking God
Why your heart has to keep getting broken
And why you keep getting disappointed
And why it seems like nobody understands you
And why everybody else gets what they want and you never get anything you want

And then you realize what a brat you must sound like to Him
And He starts reminding you of everything He's already done for you
Like getting you to and mostly through college
On a full scholarship
And you've never had to suffer
Or go hungry
Or live out from under a secure roof
Or without clothes
And even if situations are uncomfortable sometimes
You know they could be a lot worse
And you know they are going to get much better
And you don't have to stress so much because you know He has a plan for you in mind
And even if you're not quite sure, He's guiding your footsteps anyway

So then all you have left to say is "thank You"
And "I'm sorry to keep coming to You this way"
And He says to you, "I understand. You're my child. I made you. I know your thoughts, and I know how you feel."
And then He gives you feel that peace that everyone talks about.
You know, the peace that surpasses all understanding...
And you marvel at it because here you were 30 minutes ago
So stressed out and distraught
And nothing has changed that you can see, but your heart is finally at rest.
And you think to yourself, who does that?
Only God.

So now you're okay
And you feel like you can go on a little bit longer.
And you keep on with those reminders that God knows everything about you
And He has something special for you in mind.
Fear has no place with Him.
So you should have no dealings with Fear.