Fear, Obedience, Honor

Ezra 1-6

The main point that I’m getting from the book of Ezra is that obedience breeds blessings. The people of Israel were obedient and God provided for them in many ways through unexpected avenues. They had every reason to be fearful, but they stood strong and continued to obey God. Even when people forcefully tore down the wall they had started to rebuild from scratch, they continued to build. In chapters 5 and 6, I was very impressed at the refusal of the Israelites to respond to opposition (Tattenai and others), although they had the power to harm them if they wanted to. When they sent messages to the king, thinking he would give them the authority to take down the Jews, they were sorely disappointed to find that not only would he not stop the rebuilding of the temple, but they now were ordered to help them. The Israelites did not allow fear of man to rule them, but obedience to God. 

I never realized how vulnerable I was to fear until just recently, when I asked the Lord to completely purge my heart and open it up. I was aware that there was a wall around it, and I was not letting people in and being as open as I knew that God would want me to be. Sometimes we hold on to things that hurt us, and we don’t even know we’re doing it. I was holding on to a lot of old feelings (old, like 10 years old) and using them as a shield, so that I didn’t have to feel certain emotions. The shield didn’t really block the emotions, it just converted them. Hurt became anger, rejection became denial, and fear became defiance. I didn’t even know I was doing it. The thing I’m coming to realize is when you attempt to block those feelings out, you also block people out, and you give the enemy control. Why? Because rejecting pain that way is a form of deception. When you’re telling yourself that you don’t care when someone doesn’t respond to a friendly overture when really it stings, you’re lying to yourself. When you’re angry and finding 100 ways to justify that anger when someone says something rude and touches a nerve, you’re opening up doorways to attract thoughts of revenge and justified acts of cruelty so that you feel protected. Whatever the case is, you’re not being truthful with yourself, God, or any of the other parties involved, and you are allowing the enemy to rule you. As long as you are operating in a state of deception, God can’t fully use you, and you can’t fully resist the devil and have victory. 

I realized recently that I had been living in a state of fear for the last year and didn’t know it until I was in a place where I was totally comfortable and confident. Going to school and being in a class where I was a triple minority (Black, saved, and new to the area), I was in unchartered territory and I had no idea of how to navigate through. So, I defiantly stuck my chin out and went into my protective shell. But God couldn’t use me that way. If I was locking myself in, I wasn’t reaching out to others and sharing the love of God. So, when I realized this, I repented and asked the Lord to open my heart. On the first day of school, walking from my car to the building, I started to feel the tension rise. I started quoting scriptures to myself over and over (Psalm 27, Luke 10:18, Ephesians 6:12) all the way until I reached the door of the building. I was so pleased to witness the immediate change inside of me. All the apprehension I usually felt (and ignored) melted away, and the peace of God settled on my heart as light as a feather. Even the one girl that I usually have “friction” with didn’t bother me. All day my prayer was, “Lord, deliver me from people. I wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities. I am crucified with Christ, and I die to feelings of rejection, inferiority, and loneliness. I will go boldly in You and let others see You through me.” I’m always amazed at God’s ability to change someone in an instant. I’m definitely a witness. 

When Jesus said to take His yoke upon us, He was giving us a direct instruction. When we follow it, we are being obedient. When we cast all our cares upon him, we are operating in obedience. When we trust in the Lord with all our heart, we are acting in obedience, and He honors that. While the Jews were rebuilding their temple to worship, God was restoring their strength and giving them protection and resources. While I'm reshaping my heart so that it looks pleasing to God, He is restoring my confidence and giving me peace. It is a very scary feeling to completely let go of our fears and let God handle everything, but from my experience so far, I would say it’s worth it. Wait til you see the finished product!