Guidelines for the Husband of the Natural Woman

It's Friday night, and I'm just reflecting on some of the funny things my girls and I have said about what we wanted in a husband down through the years. The phrase, "I want a man who will grease my scalp!" came to mind and I went into a fit of hysterical laughter. Crazy woman lives alone and laughs out loud by herself. I know, whatever.

... Anyway, I just thought about this journey that I'm currently on, and how connected I really am with my hair. Whoever I end up with is gonna have understand and respect that connection. Ideally, he'll be totally on board and interested in whatever happens with my hair. I believe that woman's hair is her glory, and I know that many of my girlfriends feel the same way. Our husbands are gonna have to know that our hair is just as important as anything else on our bodies. So, I came up with a list of demands. At first I was gonna call them Commandments, but there are more than 10, and I'm kind of finicky about stuff like that. Therefore, I came up with this:


Guidelines for the Husband of the Natural Woman

I,  (the Natural Woman), being of sound mind and natural hair, decree that you, my husband, shall meet all of the following requirements for a long and happy marriage. Failure to comply with these general guidelines may lead to, but are not limited to: high levels of stress, severe mood swings, and loss of desire to do ANYTHING that will make you happy. Please be advised, these regulations are subject to change, and your cooperation will be greatly appreciated, and mandatory.

1. Thou shall not complain about the number of combs, brushes, shampoo, conditioner, and moisturizers she owns

2. Thou shall notice and compliment every new protective style she learns from YouTube

3. Thou shall support thy wife while she goes through a new growth phase and figures out what to do with her hair next

4. Thou shall give thy wife advanced notice before the planning of any outdoor activities so she can prepare her hair

5. Thou shall leave her alone for at least 3 hours during the week so that she can bond with her hair

6. Thou shall always tell thy wife her hair smells AWESOME

7. Thou shall mourn with thy wife when a hairstyle doesn't come out right

8. Thou shalt be thoroughly impressed at every length check

9. Thou shall provide emergency silk scarves, caps, wraps, and/or pillowcases when thy wife misplaces her usual one

10. Thou shalt grease/oil her scalp when she's too tired to do it herself
 

11. Thou shall help thy wife with mini-twistouts and any other style that comes with a TWA, BC, or  relaxed-to-natural transition


12. Thou shall be aware of what the aforementioned terms mean and possess the ability to use them in everyday conversation 

13. Thou shall be concerned with detangling and be willing at a moment's notice to help thy wife wrestle with a knot that just won't give

14. Thou shall give thy wife free reign in the kitchen when she desires to make hair smoothies and protein mixes from food in the refrigerator

15. Thou shall 'ooh' and 'ahh' with thy wife when she notices and appreciates another woman's hair - but not too much

16. Thou shall be willing to make last minute runs to the store if thy wife runs out of her favorite product while washing her hair 
17. Thou shall enable thy wife should she become a "product junkie" and not shake thy head when she buys 3 or more of the same product in case the company suddenly decides to stop making it (who hasn't been burned before?)

18. If thy wife ever chooses to cut all her hair off, loc her hair, or return to relaxers, thou shall NEVER AGAIN bring up the aforementioned experiences listed. 

If the husband agrees to these guidelines, the Natural Wife will continue to be the AMAZING woman she was in the first place, and take care of the husband and everything else like wives do anyway. 

Yours Naturally, 
(the Natural Woman).

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