What do You Do?

Sharina Clarke, author of Mom.Me, voiced her thoughts on the recent suicide of Freddy E. Buhler. She found it to be a very sad event for someone who showed so much promise, and I am inclined to agree with her. Freddy E. was an up and coming rapper, and creator of the popular JerkTV channel on YouTube. The shocker was the fact that he was 22 years old, and had so many opportunities unfolding right before his eyes, and yet still found that his life was not worth living. You have to wonder what was so bad that he just couldn't take just one more day? It's very easy for those of us on the outside to jump to conclusions and become self-righteous and judgmental of his decision to take his own life, but it's important to remember that we really don't know what he was going through.It should also be a reminder to all of us that we never really know what anyone is going through.

Some of the major stereotypes about Black people is that we don't go to therapy and that we don't commit suicide. Well, with examples like Freddy E and Jovan Belcher of the Kansas City Chiefs (killed his child's mother and then himself), we are seeing that these assumptions are literally being blown away. After centuries of claiming how "strong" we are as a people, and how resilient we have been as a race, it would seem that we (at least Black men) are finally beginning to succumb to the pressure and it needs to be addressed immediately. The following video addresses the stereotypes about Black people and suicide. One of the opinions I found interesting is from a woman who felt that although Black people don't commit suicide the "traditional" way (instant death, through self poisoning or violence), we often engage in self-destructive habits that kill our opportunities and physical bodies slowly. So, no, one doesn't expect that they will find someone at home with a suicide note taped to a pillow, but the cases of gang violence, drug overdoses, and self abusing behaviors would certainly overwhelm that theory. This video is part of a series called "Black Folk Don't", and it can be found on YouTube. While you watch, consider your own thoughts on suicide, how you would actually define it, and how it really relates to the Black community.

I thought that this video was so important because this and other stereotypes have the opportunity to impact the way we see ourselves and how willing someone might be to ask for help if they are feeling a certain way. I look at a lot of my peers and the activities that they engage in and I am sad because I know that they are killing themselves slowly. If your world is not right, I urge you to take a look at your techniques for coping. Do you rely on chemical substances to feel better? Do you have to engage in high risk activity to distract you from your situation? If so, you have a problem. But more on that later.

What about those of us who know of someone who has a problem? How are you showing your support and helping them? It's becoming increasingly clear to me that the way we treat people is key to surviving in this world. When we disrespect others or dismiss their ideas and opinions, we are not often aware of the wounds we reopen or hopes we step on by doing so. This doesn't mean that you have to go along with everything people say, but there's always a way to say things to others. If someone has a serious problem, don't presume that you can help them every time. Be as supportive as you can, but realize that there may be someone who can help this person better. Don't be afraid to tap into other resources.

The other taboo topic directly related to the thought of suicide is called "therapy." Black people going to therapy is still a relatively new, and not quite accepted concept. Many people still believe that many mental ailments can be cured with a "come to Jesus talk" or a spanking. I've heard many older people comment that if someone had been hit more when they were growing up, they wouldn't be so out of control as a teenager or adult. While I do not totally disagree with corporal punishment, I don't believe that that is always the answer. Hitting a child who obviously has emotional problems, in my opinion, would only serve to make those issues grow. That doesn't mean that they should be able to run wild and get away with everything, but there should be some moderation. The reason people "wild out" when they get to be a certain age is because they have not managed to get their emotions under control, but now have a physical freedom that they didn't have before. Therapy, if it is done right, can serve as an emotional outlet as well as a training ground for developing healthy coping skills.

One of the points brought up in this video addresses the concept of going to church over therapy. Because I profess Christ and I believe that He has the power to heal all diseases, including physical, emotional and mental distresses, I can't let that one slide. I believe that God created all kinds of people, and that He gave those people the tools to help others while they are on earth. That said, I advocate... wait for it... going to church AND therapy! First of all, what a lot of people don't understand is that church and church people are tools that God uses to gather us together and worship as a collective body. The reality of the matter is you can go to Jesus at any time of day or night and ask for His help immediately. One thing I know about Jesus, because I experienced it for myself, is that He will help you through that moment. He will get you through the day or the situation, and even lead you to someone who can talk to you, give you a hug, and help you figure out what to do next. The idea of going to church for your problems in a lot of people's minds is missing a key element: the relationship with God. If there's no relationship, then I can absolutely see why going to church for a quick fix would seem like a waste of time to some people. I promise you this, though: prayer DOES work!

I hope that we can all come to a place where we can openly discuss this issue and be willing to help. The time for holding things in has passed. If you don't want to take it to Jesus, take it to a counselor or a mental health clinic. Take it to a friend who you know is going to be there for you. If you're feeling pretty good about your life, be that friend that's willing to help. Be that person who prays for others that God will show up and be a comfort to them. Say a kind word or give a genuine smile. But don't even think about turning a blind eye to someone in need.

Here are some resources that you can use if you or someone you know is struggling and may be contemplating suicide:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Veterans Crisis Line 
Christian Suicide Prevention