Repost from Facebook - December 2011
Just decided to review my notes from Facebook... this one was pretty interesting...
"I
love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him
as long as I live." - Psalm 116: 1-2
Somebody just asked me what my favorite book of the Bible was, and I said 2 Samuel, because I always loved King David as a role model. His story was one of the most transparent in the Bible, and we get to see so many sides to him. But something always remained constant... His faith. There was a reason he was a man after God's own heart.
So lemme tell yall about King David!
He was a shepherd. He was a musician. He was a king. He was a player and a womanizer. He was a warrior. He played dirty sometimes. He was a servant. He loved the Lord with all his heart.
I always loved the story of King David because no matter how dire the situation got, he never lost his faith. This is a man who got chased into the hills by someone he looked to as a father, lost his best friend who he looked to as a brother, had his wife kidnapped, cheated with another man's wife and lost a son because of it, AND got betrayed and hunted by another one of his children. And he never lost his faith. That speaks to me on so many different levels.
One, there are so many ways to lose your faith, and not the least of them being your own shortcomings. I ask God all the time how I'm supposed to serve Him when I keep messing up and doing things on my own without even acknowledging Him until it backfires. How am I supposed to be effective with all these insecurities and fears nipping at my heels all the time?
David slept with another man's wife, got her pregnant, and then had her husband killed. He didn't even feel sorry about it until somebody came along and put him in check. As punishment, God allowed the son he sired to get sick and die. The whole time the child was sick, David cried and begged God to let him keep his son. When the child eventually died, David got up, brushed himself off and went on with his life. See, that's how I like to be. I know I mess up, and my actions have consequences. I'll cry and scream and beat myself up as long as it seems something can be done about it. But when the result actually comes out, it's over and done with, and I can move on with my life. I'm sure David felt doubly guilty, because his actions not only took one life, but two. But when the ordeal was over, he got it together, and went on. Why? Because he had work to do. He repented, renewed his faith, and lived his life.
Not only can you get in your own way, but you know LIFE isn't going to let you have all the fun. Every day annoyances, distractions, and not to mention those big traumatic events that seem to come out of left field are gonna have you bobbing and weaving like nobody's business. How am I supposed to help somebody else when it feels like I can barely keep my head above water? I mean, David ended up living in a cave. Like, really! How do you go from living in the lap of luxury getting sheds in on your harp wit ya boy, to running for your life using a rock as your pillow? Then, to get away from one enemy, David had to move into ANOTHER enemy's territory, and ended up getting all the women and children in his camp kidnapped, including his wife. On top of that, the other men whose wives got stolen started to turn on him. I mean, how do you deal with that??? But David never lost his faith. They found their wives, stomped out the losers that took them, and went to get what was theirs.
I'm not gonna lie, these past months I got pretty sick of grieving. I didn't mind missing my grandfather; that was supposed to happen. But all the crying, random emotions, sleepless nights, all in the middle of adjusting to a new school, program, and city were really wearing thin on my nerves. And I felt some type of way about feeling like I couldn't get a grip. So I told God, "I don't want this. Just let me do my work and I can deal with it later." But I wasn't getting off the hook that easily at all. I had to go through some embarrassing moments, and I had to receive a lot of correction. But you know what? I still have my faith. I'm still in love with Jesus, and I'm VERY much aware that He's in love with me. He's telling me that right now as I write this. And for once, I'm actually listening.
This wasn't how I intended my end-of-year reflections to go. I mean, the past four months have pretty much engulfed the rest of the year, but I just have to say this: All the growing pains, the crying, the frustration? God's using it. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in my position. Sometimes I feel like I was born at the wrong time, in the wrong decade. But then I remember: God doesn't make mistakes. I'm not a mistake, and nothing about my life was a mistake. No, things don't always go the way I want them to, but that's okay. If I encourage one person today and make them happy, and realize that things are not as bad as they seem, I'm working.
When I was a baby, I cried for no reason at all. My parents tell me all the time I would cry all day and when I stopped is when they got up to check on me. So, I came into this world crying and kicking and screaming my way through. And apparently, I'm continuing to go through life that way. But it's okay because I know that there is Someone who is checking on me. King David knew there was Someone who was checking on him. That someone hasn't changed from aalllll those years ago. That's Someone I can rely on. I can cry. But I still have my faith. Just like King David.
Somebody just asked me what my favorite book of the Bible was, and I said 2 Samuel, because I always loved King David as a role model. His story was one of the most transparent in the Bible, and we get to see so many sides to him. But something always remained constant... His faith. There was a reason he was a man after God's own heart.
So lemme tell yall about King David!
He was a shepherd. He was a musician. He was a king. He was a player and a womanizer. He was a warrior. He played dirty sometimes. He was a servant. He loved the Lord with all his heart.
I always loved the story of King David because no matter how dire the situation got, he never lost his faith. This is a man who got chased into the hills by someone he looked to as a father, lost his best friend who he looked to as a brother, had his wife kidnapped, cheated with another man's wife and lost a son because of it, AND got betrayed and hunted by another one of his children. And he never lost his faith. That speaks to me on so many different levels.
One, there are so many ways to lose your faith, and not the least of them being your own shortcomings. I ask God all the time how I'm supposed to serve Him when I keep messing up and doing things on my own without even acknowledging Him until it backfires. How am I supposed to be effective with all these insecurities and fears nipping at my heels all the time?
David slept with another man's wife, got her pregnant, and then had her husband killed. He didn't even feel sorry about it until somebody came along and put him in check. As punishment, God allowed the son he sired to get sick and die. The whole time the child was sick, David cried and begged God to let him keep his son. When the child eventually died, David got up, brushed himself off and went on with his life. See, that's how I like to be. I know I mess up, and my actions have consequences. I'll cry and scream and beat myself up as long as it seems something can be done about it. But when the result actually comes out, it's over and done with, and I can move on with my life. I'm sure David felt doubly guilty, because his actions not only took one life, but two. But when the ordeal was over, he got it together, and went on. Why? Because he had work to do. He repented, renewed his faith, and lived his life.
Not only can you get in your own way, but you know LIFE isn't going to let you have all the fun. Every day annoyances, distractions, and not to mention those big traumatic events that seem to come out of left field are gonna have you bobbing and weaving like nobody's business. How am I supposed to help somebody else when it feels like I can barely keep my head above water? I mean, David ended up living in a cave. Like, really! How do you go from living in the lap of luxury getting sheds in on your harp wit ya boy, to running for your life using a rock as your pillow? Then, to get away from one enemy, David had to move into ANOTHER enemy's territory, and ended up getting all the women and children in his camp kidnapped, including his wife. On top of that, the other men whose wives got stolen started to turn on him. I mean, how do you deal with that??? But David never lost his faith. They found their wives, stomped out the losers that took them, and went to get what was theirs.
I'm not gonna lie, these past months I got pretty sick of grieving. I didn't mind missing my grandfather; that was supposed to happen. But all the crying, random emotions, sleepless nights, all in the middle of adjusting to a new school, program, and city were really wearing thin on my nerves. And I felt some type of way about feeling like I couldn't get a grip. So I told God, "I don't want this. Just let me do my work and I can deal with it later." But I wasn't getting off the hook that easily at all. I had to go through some embarrassing moments, and I had to receive a lot of correction. But you know what? I still have my faith. I'm still in love with Jesus, and I'm VERY much aware that He's in love with me. He's telling me that right now as I write this. And for once, I'm actually listening.
This wasn't how I intended my end-of-year reflections to go. I mean, the past four months have pretty much engulfed the rest of the year, but I just have to say this: All the growing pains, the crying, the frustration? God's using it. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in my position. Sometimes I feel like I was born at the wrong time, in the wrong decade. But then I remember: God doesn't make mistakes. I'm not a mistake, and nothing about my life was a mistake. No, things don't always go the way I want them to, but that's okay. If I encourage one person today and make them happy, and realize that things are not as bad as they seem, I'm working.
When I was a baby, I cried for no reason at all. My parents tell me all the time I would cry all day and when I stopped is when they got up to check on me. So, I came into this world crying and kicking and screaming my way through. And apparently, I'm continuing to go through life that way. But it's okay because I know that there is Someone who is checking on me. King David knew there was Someone who was checking on him. That someone hasn't changed from aalllll those years ago. That's Someone I can rely on. I can cry. But I still have my faith. Just like King David.
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