You Just Don't Know...

"You don't know my life!" 

You can catch me throwing that phrase out at any given moment - laughing on the phone with my cousin, rolling my eyes at my closest friends who THINK they know EVERYTHING about me (okay, maybe they know slightly less than everything, but still...), or even to acquaintances who feel comfortable enough to joke around with me.

My friends hate that phrase because it's meaning isn't very clear. They know my family, my likes, my dislikes, what church I go to, how long I've been saved, who I like (or used to like) who I don't like (because of what happened when I used to like them) and just how long it'll take for me to excuse myself in a huff because they've pushed all my buttons. What is it that they don't know? The thing is, the phrase makes perfect sense to me. As much as they know about me, and as much of an open book I am, I know that there are things going on in my every day life - natural and spiritual - that are taking me by storm constantly. In the past few years since I've really gotten serious about seeking out what God wants for my life, my transitions have come fast with no time in between. It's hard for me to catch up to myself sometimes so how can they know? 

Well, people, it gets worse. I graduated from telling them that they didn't know my life to saying they don't know ME. That's where I started to get into trouble. The thing was, I wasn't being careful about how I let things affect me, and I allowed myself to stray away from who I was and how I was designed. It wasn't that I wasn't on the right track. I was, but my focus was a little off. I was sooo intent on doing things the right way that I had developed a fear of doing things the wrong way. 

See, I read this story in the Bible. It was in the 13th chapter of 1 Chronicles, and it talked about Uzzah, who was traveling with King David and his camp as they transported the Ark of the Covenant back to Jerusalem. The thing was, God had specific orders about transporting the Ark, and that included who was even ALLOWED to touch it! So, Uzzah was moseying along, minding his business, when one of the oxen who was carrying the Ark stumbled and fell. Uzzah, being a good guy reached out to steady it - and BAM! - fell down dead. King David was annoyed that God struck down one of his men for something he thought was trivial, and had to stop and revamp his entire plan for returning that Ark.

The thing is, I don't want to be an Uzzah. I want to do it right the first time. I don't want to die any spiritual deaths because I wasn't following God's instructions. But peep this: I was still wrong. Why? Because I was still trying to take control over my own situation. I was leaning on my own understanding and allowing the Enemy to sneak up on me a totally different way. As much as I loved God and wanted to serve Him, I wasn't trusting in Him completely. So basically, I'm growing in God, but I'm still being held down by something else. How crazy is that?? 

But, oh, when the Lord delivered me!! He restored me back to my original self, albeit a little more mature (if I do say so myself). So, now I have to stop lying to myself and telling my loved ones that they don't know me. Truth is, they knew me all along. I was just hidden beneath some dirt the enemy had tried to pile up on me. But I am washed and clean and free from the influence of the enemy. That phrase "You don't know like I know what He's done for me" takes on a whole new meaning. 

I'm just saying... "You don't know my life!"

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